It’s been over a week since I blogged last. I wrote about my Gifts of the 12 Days of Christmas and searched daily for those gifts, even in the midst of grief, sadness and uncertainty. I was challenged, intrigued and grateful for that experience. I took some time off to contemplate what to do next. Actually, I meant to only take a couple of days, but that turned into a week. The journey of unemployment and searching is a continuous path of lessons, turns, and bumps. In the midst of this path there were a couple of unfortunate surprises that I wasn’t expecting. I guess that’s what a surprise is, the unexpected, but it turned to something I didn’t know how to handle. So time was critical for me to understand it all. That insinuates that I do and to be clear, I don’t.
Anyway, I asked a few folks what I should do for my blog.
- My good friend Jenny recommended a photo blog. That was a good idea and she is always so supportive of my work, as I am of her. Hollins is so lucky to have her as their spiritual guide. I may be a bit jealous, but in the biblical sense of course. I do like to take photographs and learn a lot from what I see. Photography gives me clarity. Maybe Jenny has a good idea.
- A fellow blogger, Suzanne, didn’t know she recommended this to me, but she does every day when I see her Facebook page. She reminded me to be in the moment. I thought about that and taking a “photo a day,” to learn to live with the intent of “being in the moment”. I don’t do that enough. One of the reasons I have an IPhone now, besides the fact that Sprint gave me a free upgrade for it, is so I can take daily photos and stop myself so I can see what is in front of me. Maybe I could blog about that.
- I continue to search for jobs and fall back to 10 years ago when I was laid off and searching. I don’t want to do that again. That takes me to a place I don’t want to be, however gives me the chance to write about the journey. My experience may in some way help others but at the same time, it can be painful.
- It’s funny, but as I considered what to write about this week, I noticed my attitude changed from the time I searched for gratitude in the 12 Days of Christmas to now. My attitude got worse. I was angry, frustrated, confused and out of focus. I put too much focus on the negative that is happening and didn’t do any work to focus on the good. I know it happens to all of us, but I noticed a difference. Maybe I should focus on that.
A couple of conversations over the past week have me thinking. I told someone the other day that when I wrote about the 12 Days of Christmas, it turned out to be quite therapeutic. It was good to be able to write about the good of my life and feeling grateful for what I have instead of angry about what I don’t. Another conversation with a good friend, had a strategically placed focus on the word “happy,” and what it takes to find that happiness. Then this past Friday I had a conversation with God, one where I finally did the listening and allowed God to do the talking. God talked as I sat in the sanctuary for this reflective retreat. God also talked when I received a Facebook message through a new friend that reached out and asked how he could pray for me. In both of those conversations, the subject of “peace” came to mind and how it’s sometimes difficult to bring it to heart.
If there is a thread I see through these conversations, it is the fact that I am not alone. Peace, happy, and clarity may be hard to find, but I am certain I am not alone. God made that clear and I need to remember that.
As you can see, I’ve been thinking a lot this week and wondering what to do next. It’s Monday afternoon and the rain has been non-stop falling from the sky. It’s been cloudy, rainy, and foggy, much like my week has been. I can tell from my writing it’s been that way. I need to find the sunshine in the midst of the clouds and the rain. Will you help me out? Can you help me to find where I am supposed to go next? I do believe the words “happy” and “peace” and going to be integral parts to this journey, no matter how hard I will keep them from coming onto my path. Can you help me figure it out?
Maybe I should just write, take pictures, and continue to find where God wants me to go in the moment. Even if I don’t know where that is, God will and that’s all that matters. Something tells me as I continue to do that, the peace, happiness and clarity will come and I won’t be alone.
Let me know what you would like to see.