This is a view from the Beacon of Stonington Harbor Lighthouse in Connecticut. What a glorious view. Can you picture the smile stretching across the face of this beacon? I sit in awe of her view. The beauty, serenity, calm and flowing breath of spirit that falls upon the day. There is a stillness in the clouds that brings a glimpse into the tranquility and peace of the life colored in blue. At the same time, I imagine a storm breaking into the quiet calm; causing an experience of confusion, uncertainty, and dizziness unto the path that lies before it. Can you see that too?
Where am I going with this? It didn’t hit me until I looked at this uploaded photo from my camera. This is the view from the Beacon. For those that know me, and those that read recent posts – a lighthouse has deep spiritual meaning for me. To make a long story short, a lighthouse is a representation of who Jesus Christ is to me…the very Light that I need in the midst of the calm and the storm.
So, seeing this view from the beacon in which I stood, I have to ask myself the question, what does God see in me?
I have to be honest. I don’t want to answer that question. You see, there are voices in my head that tell me what I think others see in me. Voices that have been playing in my head since I was a little girl. Voices that have played in my head even as late as yesterday; voices that have come through words and actions – they are there, yelling loud and clear. People in this world; people even as close you can possibly get, tell you what they think of you – people, according to all accounts, shouldn’t be saying hateful things, whether in words, or deed. After a while, you start to believe it. It becomes so ingrained into your psyche that you can’t hear anything else. It took 40 years of that script to build up a firm foundation. It’s going to take time to break it down and rip it out.
So what I don’t want to answer is “What does God see in me?” Am I even worthy of that response? Yes, I am. There, I said it. It is strange to say this, but it’s easier to hear the other voices than to hear the One that created me. I am not worthy of hearing what God has to say….but in all honesty, I am. I am worthy of knowing what God believes in me. Oddly enough, I don’t have to go very far to find out. I can go to scripture. God says that I am precious in his sight. God says that I am beloved. God says that I am created in his image. So I mustn’t be too bad huh??
And for whatever reason, God called me to be a minister. I have no idea why. Maybe God was a little high on the Frankincense at the time. Not quite sure. There are days that I sit here and wonder, “What in the world do you want me for? I am in no way prepared to do this.” But even though I am not prepared, God prepared me anyway. I am a pastor. I am an educator. I am compassionate. I am a pastor who has lived a life that provides understanding of what others are feeling in the midst of their struggles. I am humbled in words and action just enough to treat people as God would want them to be treated….most everybody that is. There are those that….well, God knows who they are. God and I are still working on my thoughts about them.
There are two media resources that I recently encountered. The first was a movie. I saw Eat, Pray, Love and it was wonderful, so wonderful that I saw it twice. In the movie, as she did in the book, the character Lizzie was reminded of an important piece in her life…a piece that was missing from her psyche. She was reminded of who dwells within her. “God dwells within you, as you. God dwells within me, as me.” I cried. There. I admit it. I cried. So, I’ve been a little sappy lately. (picture my mouth giving you a raspberry right at this very moment for your laughter at my expense) I heard these words again, or maybe for the first time. “God dwells within me.” What a humbling, humbling notion to consider. So why am I having such a hard time wrapping my heart around that?
I said there were two media resources. The second is a book by Geneen Roth, Women, Food, and God. Do you know what the last line of the book reads? I won’t be giving anything away….like in a Harry Potter book for example. By the way. I have never read a Harry Potter book, nor seen the movies for that matter. When the last book came out, I was at the local Barnes and Noble, where I opened the last pages of the book and found out what happened to Harry. Never had to read another line.
Anyway, do you know what the last line Geneen writes in her book? “…with each breath you take – God has been here. She is you.” I am speechless. It was another moment that took my breath away as it did at the movie theater. Am I that worthy?
What do I do with this new found knowledge? It’s not new really. It’s been around since the beginning, when I was created in God’s image – when we were ALL created in God’s image. It’s been around since I was born. It’s around every morning I wake up, every night when I fall asleep and all the dreams in-between.
What does the Beacon see in me? The same thing the Beacon sees in you. I look at the smile coming across her face as she looks down upon me with tearful eyes and a graceful heart – “Yes, my precious child….that is Me, within you, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”